


#Regrets

by artenon



Series: RoyEd Week 2017 [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 16:51:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11902014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artenon/pseuds/artenon
Summary: “As a matter of fact, I was thinking as well,” Roy said.“Oh, yeah? What about?”“My regrets.”“Oh, geez. No, no, nope. We’re not there, Mustang. I’m not here for deep feelings talk with you when we’re stuck in a small enclosed space with no idea of when we’re getting out.”





	#Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> OH GEEZ i can't believe i wrote pretty much this entire thing today. i thought it'd be like 1k words but obviously that didn't happen
> 
> ANYWAY it's 11PM here so i'm not late for royed week day 5: "in the unlikely event that we live through this..." !!
> 
> if this fic makes you laugh even once, i'll consider it a success

“Good job,” Ed said. He’d glare at Roy if he could see in the pitch darkness. “Good fucking job, Roy Mustang.”

“This,” Roy said, “was not my fault.”

Ed turned toward his voice and glared in that direction. It’d have to be good enough. “This was unequivocally your fault. Now, are you gonna get us out of here, or what?”

Roy didn’t answer for a moment, like he was actually considering leaving them stuck in this collapsed warehouse. Ed knew Roy was a bastard who loved being contrary, but surely he wouldn’t go that far.

Finally, Roy said, “Or what, I think.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t see anything,” Roy said. “I don’t want to risk bringing the rest of the building down on our heads.”

“Make a fire so we can see,” Ed said. “You won’t destroy anything if you make a small flame, like, right above your palm.”

“Yes, well. There is one other problem,” Roy said.

“What’s that?”

“I may have a concussion.”

Ed’s stomach jumped. “Fuck, why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

“You didn’t exactly ask if I was okay before yelling at me that this was my fault,” Roy said calmly.

Ed had to fight down the panic. It had been stupid to believe that Roy would just be okay. He knew Roy wasn’t untouchable, had seen him beaten and broken, but the reality that he could be hurt was still a difficult one to grapple with sometimes. Roy had too much to do; he couldn’t just…go. But life and death didn’t work like that, Ed well knew, and yet he hadn’t asked out of some childish logic that not asking Roy if he was okay would make it so.

“Well?” he demanded.

“‘Well,’ what?”

“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere else? Any bleeding?” He stepped forward but hesitated, unsure of what he could do in this situation.

“I’m fine,” Roy said. “Something hit the back of my head when the building came down, but I’m otherwise unharmed. I don’t think I’m bleeding.”

“You don’t think,” Ed repeated, heart in his throat.

He took another step forward and reached out until his hand bumped a shoulder. He followed the line of the shoulder to Roy’s neck and from there to the back of his head. Roy stood stock-still, but Ed could hear his quiet exhalations. Ed felt around. There was a sizable bump on Roy’s head, but the area around it was thankfully dry. He dropped his hand and stepped back, relaxing now that he knew Roy wasn’t seriously hurt.

“You’re good. And, hey,” he said as the thought occurred, “you didn’t ask if I was okay, either, so don’t get on my case, jerk.”

“My apologies,” Roy said. “I just assumed you were fine by the way you immediately started insulting me. Are you injured?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Ed said. “So, how long do you think until Colonel Hawkeye and the others find us?”

“They don’t know something happened to us so… I would give it two or three hours.”

“Oh, that’s not bad. If we were just relying on Al it might be twelve hours. Good thing Hawkeye doesn’t trust you enough to leave you to your own devices.”

“I resent every implication in that statement,” Roy said.

“Won’t make it untrue,” Ed said. “What’s also still true: this is your fault.”

“Is it?” Roy asked. “Let’s recount the events that led to this.”

“Oi, you’d better not use your concussion as an excuse to fuck up the details,” Ed said. “Let me give you the run down…”

* * *

There was a serial killer loose in Central. This would be bad news no matter what, but what made this particular case stand out was that the killer’s modus operandi mimicked that of the famed State Alchemist serial killer known as Scar, last active eight years ago.

 It wasn’t Scar. For one thing, the victims were civilians with no apparent connection. There didn’t seem to be any motive behind the killings. For another, Scar wasn’t into senseless murder anymore and was actively working with the military to restore Ishval, although that information was understandably on the down low from the general public and even the lower ranks of the military. And finally, to exclude any possibility that Scar might have rediscovered his homicidal tendencies, he had an airtight alibi: he was currently on vacation in Aerugo with Miles. Just last week, Roy’s office had received a custom postcard featuring a photo of the pair at the beach.

 _I’ve never been on vacation before. It’s fun_ , the postcard had said.

Scar had been scowling in the picture.

Ed thought that Miles wrote the message in Scar’s name in the interest of being diplomatic.

Al thought that Scar had indeed written the note himself and was being genuine; perhaps the sun had gotten in his eyes when the picture was taken.

* * *

“Not only do I know all this already,” Roy said, “but this level of detail is completely unnecessary in explaining how we ended up in this situation.”

“Shut up,” Ed said. “I need to explain to you in-depth just how much this is all your fault.”

* * *

Scar couldn’t be the serial killer. It was just some wannabe imitating his method. Roy had caught wind of the investigation because of the whole copying-Scar’s-MO thing, but his unit wasn’t on the case, so they weren’t actively concerned about it.

Clearly, this was Roy’s first mistake. 

* * *

“How was I supposed to know the killer would decide he wanted to test his mettle against a State Alchemist?” Roy asked.

“You’re supposed to know everything. That’s like, your whole thing.”

“My information network isn’t _omniscient_.”

“Whatever,” Ed said, flapping his hand even though there was no way Roy could see it.

* * *

Ed was an innocent bystander in this situation. He’d just wanted some goddamn books.

* * *

“Oh, hell, the books!” Ed said. “Are the books okay?”

“What? They’re fine. I have them right here.”

“None of them got, like, crushed or anything? Count them, Roy. There were four.”

Roy sighed heavily, and Ed heard the sound of hardcover books bumping against each other. “One, two, three, four. They all seem to be intact.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Ed said. “Those are invaluable texts. I’d never forgive you if you’d ruined any of them.”

“I’m glad to know you’re more concerned about the state of alchemical texts than about me. It’s good to know where your priorities lie.”

“Shut up, Roy, you’re fine. Now, as I was saying.”

* * *

He’d just wanted some goddamn books. But because the military was the way that it was, all the best texts were restricted access. Roy had better work on doing something about that, and soon. ‘Alchemists be thou for the people’—bullshit. Restricting knowledge to military personnel—also bullshit.

Luckily, Ed had connections. Connections being General Roy Mustang.

“Please borrow these four books from the National library for me,” Ed had politely requested. 

* * *

“You definitely did not say please.”

“Will you please shut up? I’m almost done explaining how and why this situation is your fault. Thank you.”

* * *

He’d gone with Roy to the library. It’d seemed fair, seeing as Ed was asking a favor of him, even if it wasn’t a particularly strenuous favor or anything and Roy definitely could have gone alone and dropped them off at Ed’s apartment. He’d gone for Roy’s benefit, which was another reason this was his fault.

As they’d exited the library, the sound of an explosion caught their attention.

Roy wanted to check it out. Ed had healthy and reasonable concerns, one of the most important being the fact that they were currently in possession of invaluable alchemical texts. Another was that while Ed was skilled in hand-to-hand combat, without alchemy he was limited, and the situation was potentially dangerous. A third was that Ed wasn’t military anymore, so Ed really had no business interfering in whatever was happening.

Roy told Ed he was welcome to stay behind and raced off towards the source of the explosion.

Ed chased after him entirely because the dumbass had run off with all the books from the library.

* * *

“You can stop emphasizing that you value those inanimate objects over my life, Ed,” Roy said. “Seriously, it wounds me.”

“Never,” Ed said.

Roy should be able to tell he was being facetious. Of fucking course he’d help to the limits of his power. Of fucking course he wouldn’t have left Roy by himself.

But he still thought it was a bad idea to go chasing trouble without any backup, and he’d been right, hadn’t he?

* * *

Needless to say, the source of the explosion turned out to indeed be the serial killer. What they hadn’t anticipated was that he’d _wanted_ to draw Roy into the alley.

Apparently, he’d gotten bored of killing civilians and wanted a State Alchemist as his next victim. He’d seen Roy’s silver pocket watch as he and Ed had headed for the library and had waited for them to leave to draw their attention.

Roy’s totally sensible solution was to draw the killer to the abandoned part of the city previously occupied by Ishvalans. Ed missed when he could fight wherever he wanted with the knowledge that he could clean up any messes later with his alchemy, but it was probably better to avoid making those messes in the first place.

Sometimes being older and more mature sucked.

Still, trying to lose the guy in an abandoned warehouse was a monumentally stupid idea, considering the killer’s whole thing was deconstruction alchemy, and it was the reason they were currently stuck in a collapsed building with no way out. 

* * *

“So,” Ed said. “Your fault.”

“I don’t know,” Roy said. “I wouldn’t have even been out of headquarters if not for you.”

“Okay, that’s one point against me versus, like, five against you. It’s at least eighty three point three percent your fault, you gotta admit that much.”

“Must we spend our entire time here arguing?” Roy asked. “I have a headache.”

Ed would have felt more sympathetic if Roy wasn’t so obviously trying to get out of accepting the blame, considering he was coherent enough to keep up the conversation. Unfortunately, Ed was a softhearted fool when it came to his friends. Even more unfortunately, he considered Roy among his friends.

“Fine, I’ll drop it.” That didn’t mean he wouldn’t bring the argument up later when Roy had no excuses, though. “God, I gotta book it to the lab after this, I’m wasting so much time being stuck here… Well, hell, I guess I could try to get some work done anyway. Want to help me work out this array? Might be kinda hard since we can’t actually draw anything in the dark, but I’m good with verbal descriptions.”

“Edward,” Roy said. “The reason we can’t get out is because I don’t trust myself to be able to concentrate on arrays right now.”

“Oh, yeah. God, you’re so boring right now. Can’t argue, can’t discuss alchemy. Fine, let’s just sit here and be quiet.”

Ed plopped down where he stood and closed his eyes. It didn’t make much of a difference in the darkness, but it helped him think anyway.

Selenium produced electricity when exposed to sunlight. The amount of electricity was far too small to be used for anything practical, but the theoretical implication, that solar power was possible, was there. The sun was a massive energy source just waiting to be used; if alchemists could figure out how to harness it to boost their transmutations, it would open up a world of possibilities.

God fuck damn, there was so much he wanted to research and so little time. He was in charge of a lab full of alchemists but it still didn’t feel like enough sometimes. Right now, he was exploring agricultural applications of alchemy, knowing it could really help rural towns like Resembool, which still never managed to get back to its feet after being ravaged during the Ishvalan war, but there was so much more he wanted to do. Ed mourned all the years spent on weaponizing alchemy when the government could have been putting their funds into discovering so many ways to help so many people.

Thank goodness Ed wasn’t in this alone. Al was working with Dr. Marcoh to further develop medical alchemy. Previously, medical alchemy had been limited without using a Philosopher’s Stone to bypass equivalent exchange, but thanks to all the knowledge Al had brought back to Amestris about the medical-based alkahestry in Xing, they were making progress in leaps and bounds.

Honestly, what would the world do without the Elric brothers.

Wait, he was getting distracted. Right, selenium. Energy from the sun. Maybe they could store it somehow, condense it something like the Philosopher’s Stone to be used later at will? But how to collect the energy in the first place…

“Ed?”

“Huh what?”

“Just making sure you’re still there,” Roy said. “I’ve never known you to be so quiet without a book in your hands, and there’s no way you’re reading in this darkness.”

“Where the hell else would I be?” Ed asked. “I’m thinking. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“As a matter of fact, I was thinking as well,” Roy said.

“Oh, yeah? What about?”

“My regrets.”

“Oh, geez. No, no, nope. We’re not there, Mustang. I’m not here for deep feelings talk with you when we’re stuck in a small enclosed space with no idea of when we’re getting out.”

Like a stampeding bull who was unable to change course, Roy pressed on. “Do you ever think about your regrets?”

“I am regretting asking what you were thinking about,” Ed said.

He stood up and stretched his legs. The bones of one leg popped; the gears of the other clicked. Yes, he still had one automail limb. Maybe he could kick his way out of here. The rest of the ceiling might collapse on him, but then again, maybe that was also preferable to this conversation.

“What about things you didn’t do, and then it was too late?” Roy asked. He sounded closer. When had he come closer? “There’s something I don’t want to be a future regret, something I need you to know.”

Maybe if he just didn’t talk, Roy would give up on the topic. Please, God, he didn’t ask for much, just give him this.

“What good are last words, anyway?” Roy continued. It was probably a trick of the mind, but in the dark, deprived of his sight, Ed thought his other senses had sharpened, thought he could feel the vibrations of each of Roy’s words crawling on his skin.  “Your thoughts and feelings don’t matter when you’re dead. That’s why…Ed… In the unlikely event that we live through this…”

It was a lot more unlikely that they _wouldn’t_ live through this, but Ed kept his mouth shut. Might as well let Roy get it out and then maybe he’d go back to normal.

“I…” Roy said, and trailed off.

“You’re not about to say you’re in love with me, are you?”

Ed said it to lighten the mood, but Roy fell conspicuously silent.

Ten seconds passed.

“OH MY GOD YOU WERE.”

Roy remained silent.

Ed clapped his hands together and pressed them to the floor. Nothing happened.

“What are you doing?” Roy asked.

“Checking to see if my alchemy spontaneously came back so I can go away from here,” Ed said, trying again to no avail. His heart was pounding in his ears and the space they were in suddenly felt a lot smaller than it already was.

Getting stuck here had been a nuisance but now Ed really felt _trapped_.

“I see,” Roy said. “In that case, I’m going to go sit in this corner until Hawkeye finds us.”

“Yeah,” Ed said, strained, “you do that.”

Ed sat back down where he was and listened to Roy’s footfalls and the shuffling of fabric as he sat down a safe distance away. Ed’s mind was racing, but the only coherent thought in the maelstrom was: _What the fuck?_

A minute passed in silence.

Roy sniffled.

“Oh my god are you crying.”

“I am not,” Roy said, voice rough. “I just inhaled some dust. This is a dusty corner.”

“You’re crying,” Ed said, panic bubbling in his chest. “Why the hell are you crying?”

He couldn’t handle tears. Like, what the fuck were you supposed to do when someone was crying? He didn’t know what to do whenever Winry cried and he sure as hell didn’t know what to do when _Roy_ cried. He hadn’t even known Roy had tear ducts. He seemed like the type of guy who just didn’t physically possess the ability to shed tears.

“I am not crying,” Roy repeated, and to his credit, his voice did sound a little clearer now, but he still wasn’t fooling anyone. “I shed one, perhaps two, tears, which I think you should be able to forgive me for, seeing as I just laid my heart bare and you stomped on it and ground it to dust beneath your boot.”

“I just—I don’t get it,” Ed said. “You’re in love with me? _You’re_ in love with _me_? I mean, I just don’t get…” He floundered. “…why,” he finished quietly.

“It astounds me sometimes,” Roy said, “that you don’t realize how brilliant you are.”

“Oh, I know I’m brilliant,” Ed said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m even remotely date-worthy material.”

“That’s what I mean,” Roy said.

Rustle of wool, boots against the concrete. Roy had stood and was walking back towards Ed.

“You’re aware of your intelligence, but you undersell yourself as a person,” Roy said, voice growing ever closer, and Ed wanted to back up but there was nowhere to go. “You’re brilliant, and not just because of your scientific knowledge. You’re beautiful and passionate and kind. I admire and adore you in equally great measure.”

“Shut up,” Ed said, mouth dry, heart ramming against his chest. “You’re concussed.”

That made people say things that they didn’t mean and also were blatantly untrue, right? Then again, Ed had experienced his share of concussions, and his perceptions of the people he knew had never been wildly warped during any of them.

“My current condition has nothing to do with it,” Roy said. He’d stopped walking, thank goodness. “I’ve been aware of my feelings for you for a long time. I enjoy spending time in your company, Ed, why do you think I agreed to check out those books for you?”

“I don’t know, because you’re a good friend?” he suggested frantically.

Roy paused. “That’s true, too. I would have gotten them for you anyway. Regardless, I relish any opportunity I have to spend in your presence, even in circumstances such as these.”

Holy shit, Roy must be _really_ in love with him. Holy shit, what was Ed supposed to do about that?

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way,” Roy said.

“What are you talking about?” Ed snapped. “Of course I—”

Wait, what the fuck.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” Roy said. “I understand.”

“No!” Ed said, and then growled in frustration and confusion. “I…”

Was he in love with Roy? He didn’t know. He didn’t think so. He should know if he was, shouldn’t he? You don’t just fail to notice something like that. But at the same time, he didn’t want Roy to think that Ed _didn’t_ love him.

He didn’t want to break his heart. He didn’t want to hurt him. Roy had been hurt enough in his life and Ed would hate to add to that. He wanted to, like, the opposite of hurt Roy.

He wanted to protect him.

A foolish notion, because Roy was perfectly capable of protecting himself. But Ed had run after him earlier even though he was objectively more vulnerable than Roy, hadn’t he? That was the reason he was stuck here with Roy at all.

He could practically see the pieces falling in place in front of him, like when an array finally made sense and came together, each discrete part melding together to make a greater whole. The unwillingness to believe that Roy could get hurt despite practical knowledge and past experience to the contrary. Going to Roy, even though Ed had no shortage of military connections, to ask him for favors.

Looking for excuses to spend time with him.

“I think I’m in love with you, too,” Ed said.

“You think,” Roy said.

“It’s still a hypothesis,” Ed said. He lifted his hands up and reached them slowly in front of them until they met Roy’s face. He ran a finger over Roy’s lips, moved to cup his cheeks. “I have an idea for how to test it.”

“Oh,” Roy said.

Even though he couldn’t see, Ed could sense Roy moving closer, leaning to close the distance between them.

Light spilled in through a hole opening above their heads. Ed jumped away from Roy, heart pounding from shock and something else.

“Brother!” Al called down. “Are you okay?”

“Al!” Ed waved up at him. “We’re fine! Is Colonel Hawkeye with you?”

Hawkeye appeared at Al’s side and saluted them—or Roy, more likely. “We caught the serial killer. Are either of you injured? We have a medic on site with us.”

“Roy has a concussion, but other than that, we’re fine.”

“More importantly,” Al said, “you were coming from the library, right? Did any of the books get damaged?”

“You Elric brothers are all the same,” Roy said with a long-suffering sigh.

“Don’t worry, they’re all good,” Ed said, ignoring him. “Can you help us out of here? Roy can’t transmute right now.”

“You got it! Step back.” Al clapped his hands and transmuted the debris leading from the hole he’d made down to the floor into a stone staircase.

Ed looked over at Roy and saw he was turned away, one hand pressed to his forehead. Shit, he was probably sensitive to light right now.

“You okay?” Ed asked. “C’mon, Roy, let me help you.”

Roy turned to him, and Ed offered him a hand, smiling slightly.

Roy took his hand.

“Hey,” Ed said, guiding Roy up the stairs, “after the medic clears you, wanna get lunch with me?”

“Don’t you need to head back to the lab right away?” Roy asked. “I do recall you complaining about how much time you were wasting, being trapped.”

“Meh,” Ed said. “I’m starving now, and it’s no good to work on an empty stomach. Besides,” he added with a crooked grin, “for you, I’ve got time.”

**Author's Note:**

> i continue to be treated to wonderful art by my partner in collaborations and in life, please check out her [AMAZING AND HILARIOUS COMIC RIGHT HERE](http://foldedstars.tumblr.com/post/164587955198)
> 
> thank you for reading!!! <3 <3 <3


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